Oh! The Places You Don't Go

     Graduation season has been pretty much wiped out by the pandemic. Still, some students have refused to let a global crisis rob them of a cap & gown experience. Quite a few have taken to holding graduation ceremonies and proms in Minecraft.

Ah, the ol' pixelated campus.

  
      Despite everything, it seems likely that quite a few young people will receive Oh! The Places You'll Go as a graduation gift this spring.

Poet laureate of childhood.

     It occurred to friend-of-the-library Anne LaPerla that this Dr. Seuss classic ought to be updated for these socially-distanced times. To wit:
   

Congratulations!

Today is your day.

You're all sheltering in your places!

You're home and you'll stay!

You have brains in your head.

You have feet in your shoes.

You can't steer yourself

Any direction you choose.  

You're on your own. And you know what you know.

And YOU are the guy who'll decide NOT to go.

You'll look up and down streets. Look 'em over with care.

About all you will say, "I don't choose to go there."

With your head full of brains and your shoes full of feet,

you're too smart to go down any street.

And you may find

Many you'll want to go down.

In that case, of course,

you will sigh and you'll frown.

It's opener there

in the wide open air.

Out there things can happen

and frequently do

to people less brainy

and shut-in than you.

And when things start to happen,

worry. Don't spew.

Just stay right at home.

Or you'll start coughing too.

OH!

THE PLACES YOU DON'T GO!

You'll be on your way in!

You'll be seeing great sights!

You'll watch the Philly Flyers.

Oh wait, no sports nights.

You will lag behind, because you are smart.

You won't pass the whole gang, so you don't  catch their cough.

Wherever you are, your couch is the best.

Wherever you lie, you'll lay and you'll rest.

Except when you don't.

Because, sometimes, you won't.

I'm sorry to say so

but, sadly, it's true

that grocery shopping

and WiFi dropping

can happen to you.

You can get all hung up

in a prickle-ly perch.

And your gang will Zoom on.

You'll be left in a Lurch.

You'll come down from the Lurch

with an unpleasant bump.

And the chances are, then,

that you'll be in a Slump.

And when you're in a Slump,

you're not in for much fun.

Un-slumping yourself

is not easily done.

You will come to a place where you finished Netflix.

You'll want to go out. You'll say screw this.

A place you could catch both a cold or COVID!

Do you dare to go out? Do you dare to stay in?

How much can you lose? How much can you win?

And IF you go out, should you turn left or right...

or right-and-three-quarters? Or, maybe, not quite?

Or go around back and sneak in from behind?

Simple it's not, I'm afraid you will find,

for a social distancer to distance his mind.

You can get so confused

that you'll start in to race

down long wiggled roads at a break-necking pace

and encounter people with less than six feet of space,

headed, I hope, toward a most practical place.

The Waiting Place...

...for people just waiting.

Waiting for a delivery window

or takeout to come, or a car to go

or the mail to come, or the rain to go

or the phone to ring, or the restaurants to open

or the waiting around for a Yes or No

or waiting watching your hair grow.

Everyone is just waiting.

Waiting for the fish to bite

or waiting for the wind to fly a kite

or waiting around for Friday night

or waiting, perhaps, to see Uncle Jake

or a pot to boil, or a better break

or to travel, or go shop for pants

or a wig with curls, or another mask.

Everyone is just waiting.

YES!

That is for you!

Somehow you'll accept

all that waiting and staying

You'll find the bright places

where Tiger King is playing.

With tigers flip-flapping,

once more you'll ride high!

Carol Baskin killed her husband.

Without a doubt, that happened.

Oh, the places you don't go! There is fun to be done!

There are drinks to be poured. Virtual Happy Hour has begun.

And the magical things you can do on Zoom. Virtual games will make you the winning-est winner in the room. 

Fame! You'll be as famous as famous can be, all alone at home, just watching your tv.

Except when they don't

Because, sometimes they won't.

I'm afraid that some times

you'll play lonely games too.

Games you can't win

'cause you'll play against you.

All Alone!

Whether you like it or not,

Alone will be something

you'll be quite a lot.

And when you're alone, there's a very good chance

The TV news will scare you right out of your pants.

COVID's down the road between hither and yon,

Which can scare you so much you won't want to go on.

But home you will stay

though the weather be great.

Home you will stay

And hear your neighbors mate.

Home you will stay

though your managers state,

You will work from home! 

In a weird workweek,

Your Kids you'll ignore

and your colleagues may freak.

On and on you will search,

And I know you'll search far

For distractions from problems

whatever they are.

You'll get mixed up, of course,

as you already know.

You'll get mixed up

with many strange days as you go.

So be sure when you step.

Step with care and great tact

because those legos

Can hurt more than a tack.

Just never forget, be alone with just you.

And never confuse your wine with the kids' juice.

And will you succeed?

Yes! You will, indeed!

(98 and 3/4 percent guaranteed.)

KID, YOU'LL STAY PUT!

So...

be your name Buxbaum or Bixby or Bray

or Mordecai Ali Van Allen O'Shea,

You're sheltered in place!

Today is your day!

Your Hulu is waiting.

So...be home and stay!